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Soul Lessons: Finding the Meaning of Life

Reprinted from Eating Disorders Today
By Carolyn Costin MA, MEd, MFT
Spring 2002 Volume 1, Number 2
©2002 Gürze Books

"You know of the disease in Central Africa called sleeping sickness...There also exists a sleeping sickness of the soul. Its most dangerous aspect is that one is unaware of its coming. That is why you have to be careful. As soon as you notice the slightest sign of indifference, the moment you become aware of the loss of a certain seriousness, of longing, of enthusiasm, and zest, take it as a warning. You should realize your soul suffers if you live superficially."1 —Dr Albert Schweitzer

Superficial living is part of having an eating disorder. This is not to say that people with eating disorders do not have meaningful lives. However, it is to say that they are not able to focus on the meaning of life and what is really important. For example, surely a number on the scale is not more important than one's health, yet some people live their lives as if this were the case. In the eating disorder world, fitting into a size 4 might be so important that vomiting several times a day seems acceptable in order to stay at this size. Psychiatrist Carl Hammerschlag says, "The theft of spiritual meaning destroys us at every level-the individual, the family, the neighborhood, the culture, the nation, the fate of the world. The theft of the spirit disables us physically and emotionally. Without any cultural or political guides who inspire trust, our perceptions of reality are created by sales professionals. Image has become more important than substance..."2

I am convinced that eating disorders represent a true disconnection from the soul. Nevertheless, eating disorder symptoms do have meaning, and we must listen carefully and learn from them. When one becomes reconnected with sacredness and spirituality, the purpose for the eating disorder fades. Many people come to me who have lost their appetite for church and organized religion and yet, whether they know it or not, they are hungry for spirituality. Carl Hammerschlag says, "It is important not to confuse spirituality with religion, as religion is only a bridge to spirituality and it is all too common to get stuck on the bridge."3

"Soul Lessons" Explained
In my work I incorporate what I call "Soul Lessons" to help patients reconnect with the spiritual aspect they are missing. The goal is to help patients reconnect to themselves as part of a larger whole and to connect to others in a loving, nonjudgmental way. I want to help each patient connect to and feel like a part of nature and the universe. I want to instill in each a sense of connectedness to a greater purpose than his or her individual life. Soul Lessons are lessons that parents can teach their children or therapists can teach their patients.

When we can evoke a sense of the sacred in life, when we can see that we are spiritual beings on a human path, the need to starve, vomit, or reach a number on a scale becomes inconsequential. Just to say this is not to grasp it. Grasping it takes guidance, intention, and cultivating quiet time.

Beginner's mind
One of the soul lessons I guide my patients to experience involves the concept of beginner's mind. When I think of beginners mind, I am reminded of the recent movie K-PAX. The actor Kevin Spacey plays an alien who takes the form of a human body for a visit to Earth. Since he is not from Earth, he sees things with a beginner's mind. In Zen Buddhism, seeing things with a beginner's mind is a very spiritual practice to cultivate.

Beginner's mind takes ordinary everyday things and trains us to really look at them, notice them, and appreciate them. Imagine if you came from another planet, and that you are tasting an apple or orange for the first time. Imagine describing it for the first time to your planetary friends. In fact this is a great assignment. You will discover that because apples are common to us, we take for granted this incredible life form that grows on a tree and provides succulent, juicy, mouth-watering, crisp sweetness for our pleasure and nourishment. You will soon see how incredible an apple really is. We all only need to be reminded, perhaps guided, to stop, listen, and take this all in with gratitude. In K-PAX, while eating a banana, Kevin Spacey says, "Your produce alone was worth the whole trip."

Just because we are familiar with something or it is commonplace does not mean it is not awe-inspiring or exquisite or sacred. The Zen concept of beginner's mind is an important concept to keep us in touch with gratitude for all that surrounds us. With beginner's mind we can look at things in a new and fresh way.

Lessons from a rose
Another example of a beginner's mind lesson involves the use of flowers. This exercise can be done during an individual therapy session or in a group. In a group setting, the therapist brings in a vase of flowers, and asks each patient to choose one. Then the patient is asked to describe the flower in great detail, as if she or he were a Martian and had to write back home as to what flowers were like on Earth. They are encouraged to use color, sight, smell, touch, and any other senses and can use analogies or metaphors to describe the experience.

Here is an example of what one patient wrote for this assignment:
My flower is a rose. It is light pink, almost peach, and pink. It is an imperfect circle, made up of petals, which resemble irregular, slightly round, velvet droplets. The petals on the inside are the color of the sun just as it sets over the ocean at sunset.

There are about 4 rows of open petals. Each petal itself is not beautiful or very fragrant, only when all of the petals are combined together does its beauty and fragrance show.

The rose has a green stem- straight and hard. It is not beautiful but is necessary to support the flower and give it life. It is what attaches the flower to the earth and makes it grow.

This rose looks so un-defensive, so weak, but roses are not un-defendable, they can protect themselves with thorns. After everyone has shared what they have written, a discussion follows. Often participants talk about how it felt to do this assignment and what they learned listening to what others wrote. They often will point out how others saw things they did not or how interesting it was to hear such different versions of the same thing.

I then pick two flowers, for example, two roses, and show that one of the roses has a bigger stem and a bigger flower. Do you think this rose is saying 'Oh, I am too fat, look at my stem and how big it is compared to yours'? Comparing is not a natural state. We as humans have learned to compare ourselves to each other, and we have to unlearn it. Imagine if Martians came down to Earth and looked at a field of flowers-what would they see? Each flower has its own unique beauty. And if they looked at us humans they would see that, too.

(Part 2 of "Soul Lessons" continues in the next issue.)

The Author
Carolyn Costin, MA, MED, MFT, is Director of Monte Nido and the Eating Disorders Center of California, Malibu. The author of several books, she is also a member of the Eating Disorders Today Editorial Board.

Additional Resources:
Far-Reaching Effects of Sexual Abuse
Fat is NOT JUST a Feminist Issue Anymore
Father Hunger
Fathers: A Potential Antidote to the "If Only I Were Skinny" Fantasy
Finding the Needle in the Haystack of Eating Disorders Care-Providers